Funk-E Luck

Often,I get e-mails from Funk-E. He shares his fortunate and less-than-fortunate days with me and I find humor in the latter. Lots of humor. Check this out and you'll see what I mean.

My computer blew up while I was out fucking around accomplishing nothing on the city streets, but I only found that out after waiting 30 minutes for the manager to let me back in my motel room because the key card quit working. These people are lazy worthless hippies. Or they're crackheads. Or meth addicts! Blacks are always wandering through the landscape around here, drifting around like they don't have a clue...and they don't, they're all wasted...almost scares the Southerner. But only almost! HAHAHA!

I was ready to give up for the night, but something told me to buy a video card at the local Walmart. That was the problem...dead video card, your machine will no longer boot or make any of the familiar signs and noises of booting.

The WM here in south Oakland is like some damn African village store...everyone inside is black (not complaining, just pointing out), drugged, toothless, brainless, and staggering around looking for Raider Nation clothes and shit. Makes me sick. The checkout lines are a mile long, because the checkout people don't give a shit, management obviously doesn't give a shit...they're all related...and the customers don't give a shit. Everybody is high on drugs or laziness or something...disgusting.

I drove through the crack block today by accident and survived (everyone is wasted and passed out on Saturday afternoons, fortunately) and just when I thought all was good, the next block turned out to be...the fucking West Coast HQ of the Hell's Angels, Oakland Clubhouse. Chrome choppers down both sides of the block, and various Angels wandering around...I didn't look for one second, I just rolled quickly and smoothly out of there. I hate this town.

What the...oh yeah, what I was going to say was, you just described how I got my big GIS job! HAHAHA! So take it from me, start putting BS on your resume. The jobs you want, if they catch you on the interview, you wouldn't have gotten in without it anyway. If they don't catch you, you just got a job you want, and they just got a worker who can actually work. In fact you could probably reveal the truth later and they'll be surprised and say thanks for setting them straight!

Actually I may be telling you how to get my job here when they fire me next week.

I'm outta weed. Time to call PDS over in San Fran, the Pot Delivery Service. Except I'm going rapidly broke before I make a dime, between motel bills, PC repair, and oh yeah, my electric shaver died and I had to get a new one of those today for $70. Life sucks. Meanwhile, I know life down in San Diego would still be good...if impoverished...

OK, time to do some Autocad shit (and drink some rum and coke...)

Maybe life in TN ain't so bad... even if I can't find a decent job.